///// TOO PINK FOR BLOOD ////////////////////////////////////

READER 1

READER 2

BAD BOYS

(A awakens in bed)
A: How can it be? I mean that. How can it be? All I can see is white, and then this. This?
(B and C are asleep in the same bed)
B: What is black?
C: What is white?
A: Shhhhh! LOOK THE TELEVISION!
B: I’m not gonna look. You?
C: I won’t! I need you, and I know that if I look you would feel left out. You would feel that I was cheating.
A: This is IT! Wooooooo! Ha! Look at those legs! Oh shit! Hahahaa!
B: What are you thinking about?
C: I’m not thinking. I’m just dreaming.
B: Yea? I can’t do that anymore. It seems that way at least.
C: Really? That’s all I can do nowadays.
B: What is it that you dream about?
C: Well, I usually have a dream whore…
B: What?
C: Well, I usually have this dream where I find all the things I’ve ever lost in the past; my keys, my innocence, quarters, scraps of paper with thoughts on them, shit like that. But, when I find these things I invariably glance down and become transfixed on my bare feet. I just stare for a lengthy period until I wake up soaked in dream juice.
B: Hmm. Yea. It’s hard to sleep around that self-righteous prick sometimes.
C: Oh, no no no. He doesn’t wake me up at all. It’s always your…
B: We seem to be doing fine this evening though. Right?
C: Pah! I’ll wake up soon. I know it!
A: Oh please! Please don’t! I need you. I need a detective and a great lover. How? How can it be? How can I be? Without you?
B: I lost my badge once.
C: Oh yea? Were you a cop…a pig…a hero?
B: I was a detective. I can recall its glimmer. I actually found the badge earlier in the night, but now all I can see are my feet. From what I can recall the city skyline was pressed into a goldish material…Shit!
C: What?
B: My toenails are gettin’ really long. Too long.
C: What! Why?
B: I fuckin’ told you why before!
C: Right, right, because of that stray bullet that graced your temple…sent shit haywire.
B: Phew. It’s good to know that you were listening. (not sarcastic)
A: That didn’t look like real blood. It looks like ketchup! Look!
(A twists from B to C pointing at the screen. B and C remain asleep)
A: It’s too pink to be blood.
C: I don’t feel.
(C’s face relaxes)
(B reaches across the bed for C) (A is untouched)
B: You feel wet.
C: What color wet?
B: Ummm. Uh. It feels pinkish. No. Redish.
A: Redish! Look at that blood! It looks so real.
(A inhales deeply)
A: Redish! The murderer! The murdered! I’ve figured it out. Detective! Detective!
(Two fists, both belonging to A, now knock on the television screen, and on B’s temple. Detective emerges out of the television screen, soaking wet in TV Juice)
Detective: Cut the crap! Where is ‘e?
A: Right here.
Detective: What’s this for? We know you were involved. This is just us. Ain’t gonna be no lawyer…no court. Move your ass. Where’s your sense of humor? Eh? I’m huggable! I’m fuckin’ huggable! I’m gonna pursue! Right? I’m gonna pursue. I don’t wanna beat the crap at out of you, but shit. I love my joooooooooooooob!
(Slap)
Stop? I am just getting’ started. Think! What happened? How can it be? HOW CAN IT BE?  How? Shit.
(A points to B)
A: He did it! He did it! He diiiid it!
Detective: Him? You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me. He worked on the force with me for 25 years. DICKHEAD! He loved him some donuts. His big hairy mitts would reach into that frail donut box, sifting through with the grace of a Greek goddess! He would tease the chocolate donuts, scold the glazed, only to lift, like a bride on her wedding day, the jelly donut, the jelly fuckin’ donut, to his saliva-covered lips.
Detective: (Aside) All this, of course, was before I shot him in his house and violated his…
(Detective shoots B)
(B remains still)
(C assumes the position of doggy style)
(Detective penetrates C)
(A goes to sleep)
(Detective penetrates C indefinitely as A and B remain completely still)

Ideal Cast:

A – Macaulay Culkin (circa 1991)
B – Rip Torn (circa 1997)
C – Nathan Lane (circa 1996)
Detective – Robin Williams (present)